No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
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I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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