Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize