so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
