The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
