I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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