I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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