I can't watch pbs sober anymore
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
2020 sucks, I want a refund
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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