How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
