thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just googled if crying burns calories
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
