I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
