I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
