I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
