I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
