I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
