I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
