i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
