It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
