dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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