Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
