I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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