yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
