you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
