I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
