I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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