I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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