I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
