And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
