so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were trust falling into bushes
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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