Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
