it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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