It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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