dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
