On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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