you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize