i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
