you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
