I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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