I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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