I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
