My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
