she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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