We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
