Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
