i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
