I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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