Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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