Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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