i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
