I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
