I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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