i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize