Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
