I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
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sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize