You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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