her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
