THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
