you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
