i already hear my dad disowning me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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