dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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