I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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