Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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