Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The beer is more important than you right now.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
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All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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