hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
