I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
